If you are just tuning in you want to read back to the blog on “Three Beliefs that Block Your Effectiveness with Conflict.” This blog will talk about belief number 2: You must get the person to understand where they are wrong and you are right.
When you believe you need to get the person to see where you are right and they are wrong you are making two critical assumptions that shut down your ability to listen. They are:
1. You are assuming there is a right or a wrong. This means you will only listen for data and facts that fit what you see as right or wrong. Much of the valid data you need for critical thinking will be lost for you as your brain won’t even be able to “hear” or “see” it.
2. You are better or have better information than the other person, and therefore you have the right perspective. Think back to the Allegory of the Cave by Plato. The person looking at the shadows saw the “truth” of the shadows on the wall. The person looking at the wall couldn't even begin to “hear” about what was casting the shadow because to them, the shadow was the truth. Which person are you- the person seeing the shadow or the person seeing the real object?
You want to be able to take in as much information as possible so you can see the possibilities in the conflict rather than the improbabilities.
In order to shatter this belief you have to get rid of the belief that there is a right or wrong AND that you need the other person to validate your position.
Instead of focusing on the “but or however” start focusing on the “And”.
Stay tuned tomorrow for the third belief and how it trips you up when dealing with conflict.
Anne Warfield
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