There is one person more important to you than anyone. I want you to take a moment right now and picture in your mind who, for you, is that person.
You most likely thought of your parents, your children, your significant other or a good friend. But I don't think that is the one person that is more important to you than anyone.
Here take this quick test: When the person you pictured in your mind is in a photograph with you, do you first look at them or do you look at how YOU came out in the photo? Most likely you checked out you first. You most likely criticized how your hair looked, your smile, your teeth and your stance or you smiled pleased as punch at how good you came out and then and only then did you look at how everyone else in the picture came out.
My point is not that you don't love the other person, but that your first instinct when thinking is to think of YOU. You want to make sure you come out okay.
This need to have yourself look good and to take care of yourself causes some big problems in your thinking with others.
When we look at others and try to figure out what they meant by what they said or did, we automatically filter it through, "now why would I have done that if I were them?"
We then move forward putting our judgment on their actions and assume that is the truth. But alas, it is only the truth as we perceive it.
In order to move FORWARD with your THINKING you need to start working in REVERSE.
Here are the steps to start Thinking in REVERSE:
1. Listen to your thoughts. What you think about other people is EXACTLY how you think of yourself. If you are critical of how people dress, then your mind is critical of how you dress. If you watch to make sure people don't cheat you, then that means you have cheated people.
2. Stop negative thoughts immediately. Literally say "Stop, Stop" and change the thought to a positive.
3. Make note of any negative thoughts you have during the day. These thoughts are what are driving your behavior. If you don't own them, they will own you.
4. Once you have selected the thoughts you want to change, start immediately changing them. For example, if you usually look for hidden meanings when others talk, start working on NEVER having hidden meanings when you talk. As you get rid of your negative habits your thoughts will start to change as well.
We get back what we sow so make sure you plant good seeds. Reverse can be your new way forward.
Anne Warfield
More on managing your message by Anne Warfield